The grief reactions we experience when we are bereaved are natural, healthy, and normal reactions to the loss of someone dear to us. The following are some of the more common grief reactions we might experience:
| Emotions | Cognitions |
| Numbness | Disbelief |
| Shock | Confusion |
| Loneliness | Preoccupation |
| Anxiety | Feeling Presence of Deceased |
| Fatigue | Hallucinations |
| Sadness | Thoughts of Harming Self or Others |
| Fear | |
| Helplessness | Behaviors |
| Guilt | Crying |
| Anger | Searching/Calling Out |
| Freedom | Absentmindedness |
| Relief | Social Withdrawal |
| Sleep Problems | |
| Dreams of the Deceased | |
| Physical Sensations | Restlessness |
| Hollowness in Stomach | Change in Appetite |
| Difficulty in Catching Breath | Avoiding Reminders |
| Overly Sensitive to Noise | Treasuring Reminders |
| Weakness | Substance Abuse |
| Lack of Energy | Forgetful |
Usually, there are many of these happening simultaneously. It is almost like a stew bubbling on the stove. As the stew cooks, various vegetables rise to the top, fall back down and are replaced with others - the carrots may rise to the top, then they sink and the turnips rise up. These are then replaced by the potatoes, etc. Grief reactions can act the same way. For example, at one point in time, a bereaved person may feel angry. After a little time anger is replaced with sadness and that is subsequently replaced with guilt, and then anger rises again, etc. The constantly changing “stew” of emotions, thoughts, sensations, and behaviors can be very unsettling, but not abnormal. Which reactions arise and on what time scale are dependent on a number of factors.
Obviously, there is a lot here. Should everyone who is grieving expect to experience all of these reactions? Thankfully, no. What we experience is unique for each person and for each death. No two losses are the same and the responses are not the same. For example, I had identical twins for clients after their parents died. Each one had her own set and intensity of grief reactions, showing that even identical twins do not react the same way over the same loss.
Finally, I want to stress that grief is hard, tiring work! It is physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual work all happening at the same time! Is it any wonder that people who are experiencing and working through all of this become exhausted and feel overwhelmed, especially when they still have their day-to-day responsibilities and duties?
